Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize