Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
