they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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