he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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