I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
