i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
