I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
