I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
