did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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