Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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