tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
