Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
