Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
