Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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