It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize