yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
