So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
