I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
