You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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