I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Someone shattered a urinal.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
