Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
