How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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