My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
