If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
