i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
