I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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