he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
