Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
