you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
