I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
