just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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