FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
