I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
