I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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