I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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