his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
