Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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