I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
