the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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