i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
