dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize