just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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