so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
