I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Verdict: uncircumcised.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
