When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
