Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
