Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
