Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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