We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
