genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
