I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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