my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
