I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
