some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
