hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
