I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm too high and old for this...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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