I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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