Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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