I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
