I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
