Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
