you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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