There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
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I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
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Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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