I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.