I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...