this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole