i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?