Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Randomize
Follow @tfln