yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
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The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
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Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?