nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
