I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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