yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
