textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
