i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
